This year has shown me so many things that I never thought of until I had my surgery. I have seen my body change, my view on things change, people change, eating habits change, and view of food change just to name of few. What I know for certain is:
1. My frame of mind/thinking still needs to catch up with my weight/body transformation.
2. My mind still/remains my worse enemy.
3. My stress levels are at its highest and I am seeing the effects of it and its not good.
4. People change, including me and I'll just have to accept it, its totally out of my hands.
5. Trying to be positive/view the glass half full rather than half empty is a continous daily challenge that I have to work at really hard.
6. Thou the surgery has cleared up health-related issues, (cardiac, diabetes, blood pressure), I believe that I still need some "mental" help because in reality I just cant/dont have all the answers and perhaps voicing them out to a professional can help me concept why it is the way I think.
7. Bloggin has helped me a great deal.
8. I just noticed that #'s 1, 2, 5, 6 are all related to the "mind" and like an alcholic, admitting to the problem is the first step to recovery.
Im kinda feeling sad today actually. I have been fluctating weight since February and it has been bumming me out. I have been 150-155 for the longest. The pictures I am about to post were truly at the weight stated. This morning however, my montly weight post is 155.4. I have gained and I want to say it truly is because I am very stressed. It's not even with home, it's actually work. I feel like Im going crazy for blaming work/stress but I truly am an emotional eater. I even go shopping when Im stressed and then experience the guilt for spending (money I surely don't have so I charge it) and eat some more. Work is just draining me mentally and I find myself wanting to eat everything in sight. Then guilt for even feeling the need to eat. This morning I went to Meier's to get my salads, yogurts, and even looked at the Carnation instant breakfasts to quit eating all in general. I know that its not normal nor healthy to even think that way BUT Im being honest. I feel very discouraged, very defeated, and just overall just SAD.
I still pretty much keep things to myself and don't discuss what I'm feeling or going through with my friends. I just feel that discussing things will just bring them down and I don't want that.
Well, this is supposed to be a happy blog, afterall it is my one year anniversary. Here are some pictures that I had taken late July and August to share, enjoy (especially this morning's coffee face):
