Random thoughts...

So my scarf business has been pretty good (thank God). I'm selling scarfs at a minimal pace which I'm thankful for BUT many people ask about a "website" that they can go to for reference, to see what I have, etc. Since the beginning of me making and selling scarf's this has been the constant question...do you have a website? I'm lucky I even made any business cards! With that being said....I took the leap and inquired about creating a "website". Just typing it SCARES the shit outta me! I signed up for a 30-day free trial and if I like it I can continue with the "website" for 10.00/month fee. Not too bad right? Creating the website seems overwhelming right now, I got as far as just naming it. It will be MYRTLE BLING. The domain I have purchased and it will be www.myrtlebling.com. When its up and running and my anxiety dies down, I will post it everywhere for people to view. Just thinking about it right now has me with major ANXIETY!!! What matters right now is that I took the leap and PRAY that I don't flop.

I've come to realize that whatever dreams I may have, my FEAR is the biggest factor in any of my decision making. I'm so used to "dreaming" and not "leaping" because my mind is so programed to "FAILING" at anything I try. Reading that sentence makes me want to cry. I don't know if I'm super emotional today or the reality of "failing, my way of thinking, lack of encouragement/moral support and anything in between" prevents me from wanting to succeed in anything that pops in my head. I have dreams, I want things, but my FEAR ALWAYS gets the best of me. It sucks feeling alone in times like this. I wish I had someone to go thru with it all.

Tomorrow, Friday March 22nd they are having a fundraiser for my niece and the other young girl that passed away. I'm hoping for a big turn out (which I'm guessing it will be because they knew so many and were loved by even more). I'll post pictures next week of the turn out.

Memorial Benefit - March 22nd, 2013

In Memory of Sanj & Mish

Okay, I'm at work, I'm already crying and I don't need people to ask me "what's wrong". These are my random thoughts for the day and it's not even 10:00 yet! :(

St. Patricks Day Weekend...

In honor of St. Patrick's day weekend, I'll write my post in Green today! It's been quite a week from HELL. The location where I am currently based in seems to be getting worse and worse with people traffic, people conversing in or around the office located directly behind me (residents office for grades, schedules,etc). The noise is so off the hook that I would literally put my finger in my ear just so I can hear a patient on the phone. With my finger in my ear you would think people would get a fuckin clue BUT NOPE, no common courtesy whatsoever! I've complained to my boss about it but that didn't seem to be on the top of his list. I must remind myself that I am a mere secretary and just to deal with it. I'm going to post my shitty location just so you can get the gist of where I am, the location of the door where people come and go and where people stand directly behind my chair to joke, bitch, and anything else in this damn hallway!

My counter#Not a desk#work environment#My HELL!



My first 5K completion

 On a brighter note, earlier this week I managed to finish a 5K on the treadmill at Woman's workout world. I alternated 5 minutes of running and walking and finished the 5K in 51 minutes. I took a picture of that as well as "proof" to myself that I can do it. It may not seem like alot to people I may share it with but to me it's a big accomplishment because I never even attempted to do that in all my years of working out. I will try to concentrate more on running and adjusting my time to be less than 51 minutes. I guess I want to be around 30-45 minutes for completion.

Lastly, I went skipped the gym last night (I felt real guilty about it too!) and took my ass to the second hand store near my home. I stocked up on some blouses for around the house and bought to slacks. I hate being short, seems all slacks are super long on me where I have to roll them up and have a make-believe cuff. I also bought....wait for it....wait for it....a pair of jeans! They are a size 14 which bums me out because in slacks I'm a size 12 but nonetheless I bought a pair of jeans and they fit comfortably almost can say they fit very loosely as you will see. I don't feel the uncomfortable snuggish feeling at my waist which I love, I suppose I'm in between sizes and if it weren't for my dreaded abdomen, I believe I'd be maybe in a size 10 slacks and 12 jeans. I feel pretty confident in the way I look today with them on. Can't wait to sport smaller sizes! Here's me in my 1st pair of jeans! It has been over 10 years that I have put on a pair of jeans and I must admit I was very hesitant about it this morning, my head telling me to go for the sweatpants or the leggings. Have a great weekend!

March 7th...

So here it is, 7-months since my surgery, I feel pretty good, cant complain really. I have a few issues that urke me right now but working on them. My abdomen "site" is really bothering me. It bulges out and by that I mean fatty-wise. If it weren't for my midsection, I would really look like have lost weight. I am going to make an appointment to meet with a plastic surgeon. I'm not sure if they can do anything about my midsection because it really is not a medical necessity but at least I can say that I tried to have something done/fixed plus not sure if my insurance would cover it. AT LEAST I TRIED!

Ive been visiting the gym 4 days a week. I feel pretty good. I fight with myself every morning and when I get out of work about going to the gym but I always make myself go. Its hard to get into the swing of things but after my work out I feel pretty good, a sense of accomplishment and more determination to loose weight. I have a lot of people stopping me in the hospital halls telling me that they seen my video and that I didn't even look "that fat" to even have the surgery. I always tell them that I tried to hide it well!

Okay, so the drum roll please..........my weight today is 155. You will recall in earlier posts that my surgeon wants me to be at 150. You will also recall that my personal goal is to loose the whole 100 pounds (125). So I have a lot to go :( I have attached my 7-month picture for you as well as the 2nd part of the video for viewing. I'm wearing a size Large top still and pant size is 12. The pants are snug yet seem to have alot hanging by the crotch area. I guess my damn midsection plays a part in my deformed body. :( I refuse to try jeans again until I get to wear I wanna be (125 pounds) and  when I reach that goal and try on a pair of jeans, something tells me that my midsection will deter me from wearing them. :(




March 7th, 7-Months Post-op, 155 pounds



http://youtu.be/5UJIBDN9Hp0