Perks or not so Perks?

So I'm not sure if I mentioned that the doctor that did my surgery is located right around the corner from me. I have at times lunch with his secretary. That's how close his office is located near my counter. I usually hear him come in  (I'm located in a flippin hallway, not a cubicle, not a certain place with a real desk, I have a counter) and he'll say "hi, good morning, etc". Today I was standing up making copies and faxing and he happened to come from around the corner. I had already heard him this morning passing by. I happened to be making copies and faxing when he comes around the corner and for the first time, I caught him looking at me up and down. I dont mean in a flirty way. I mean in a patient/phyiscian type of way. I presume he was looking at my progress from the ground up. Alot of people ask me if I see a difference. I dont see it like I mentioned in early posts. I see certain things, like my neck, my turso and I have always worn elastic-waisted skirts/pants. I cant even tell you the last time I wore real "pants" such as jeans. So to notice my waist shrinkage is very slim because elastic sits whereever the waist may be. I will say that some pants are feeling loose, feeling somewhat bigger by my waist/tummy section. Yes, clothes are starting to fit loosely. I dont even own a belt! If you make a fist and put it between the material and my back side, the fist will be able to fit between the two. So yes, I suppose I am loosing weight, not at the rate I would like but I am loosing weight. Today when he looked at me, it was weird, my pants were loose and I hope I didnt look bummy. This is the very first time I seen him do this. Naturally when I go for an office visit, the nurse weighs you and I sit on a chair and talk to him. Never does he measure me let alone see my physical apperance first hand. I'm hoping that when he checked me out today, he was pleased with my progress. So the perks of working with the doctor that did your surgery I'm not so sure are perks but much more less no perks due to the stress that one may feel that their surgeon sees them on a daily basis and you better be following the rules to the T. Not that I dont because I do but you get the jist of what Im trying to say. The only thing he would be displeased about right about now withme is the fact that my water intake is very low. Will I tell him that on my next visit? HELL NO! But I know I must drink water and its a work in process! Why lie about it? I dont like drinking water but I know I need to in order to be healthy.

OH and one more thing, Im so tired of popping vitamins every damn single day! UGH! Especially the gallstone preventer one! Oh and lets not forget the iron vitamin. That one is horrible but as I mentioned, it must be done for the rest of my life because I choose to have this surgery and everything that came along with it including the water and vitamin intake! I have the right to vent about it, it doesnt mean I will stop doing it because that is not the case. I just get tired of popping pills every morning before heading out to work or start the beginning of my day. It's silly actually and Im just being bratty!

Anniversary Blues

So today is Wednesday, September 19th. Yesterday marked my 20th wedding anniversary. My husband didnt even remember. In his defense he forgets everything and Im usually the one that has to remind him of everything from paying the bills to a up coming birthday. Anniversary I guess wouldnt be any different from anything else I would have to remind him about. I didnt thou, I didnt remind him. Maybe its just me being oversensitive. Maybe anniversaries are overrated and just another "hallmark" holiday in a man's eyes. Whatever the case may be, I didnt remind him. Am I mad? Not as mad as I was last year when he totally forgot and I reminded him in anger. This year, Im not even mad, maybe a little hurt but like other things, I'll deal with it and move on.

How's the weight loss going? Well, I noticed in the mirror that I am losing my butt. It's getting rather flat and my husband noticed the same thing so I know its not my imagination. I refuse still to get on the scale so if your asking if I have lost pounds, I really couldnt tell ya. I notice that some of my clothes are feeling loose. Do I feel like I have lost weight? Not really. Last weekend I went out with some grammar school friends and they both said I look like I have slimmed down some. I honestly still dont see what I want to see. Just this morning a girl that works in my facility said I look like I have "dropped some pounds". Made me happy. Whats the difference between my friends telling me and another person telling me about my weight? Difference is "friends" I feel will tell you what you want to hear because they wanna make you happy. This acquaintance has nothing to gain by lying or not. That's the difference. I wont be taking another picture until October 6th.

I joined two softball teams. Last Sunday I only played one inning. Why? Well this is the first time I ever experienced what "dehydration" felt like. I was warming up playing catch and noticed that my front thighs were tightening up. I figured it was because I didnt warm up long enough. First inning came around and I could barely run to get the ball in the field. Next thing you know we came in from the field and I was up to bat. I hit the ball and when I ran, I could not move. My thighs tightened up so bad I could not run or even walk. The most horrible "charlie horse" I have ever experienced. I was out the rest of the game. I stretched, I massaged, you name it I tried it. Some player on my team asked if I had drank water at all that day? I sat and thought about it and realized that I had not drank water since Saturday afternoon or anything form of liquid for that matter. Here I am Sunday afternoon and still had not consumed any liquid. This man told me that I made myself dehydrated and my muscles were letting me know. He asked if my mouth was dry and it was! He said I was dehydrated and needed to get luquids in me soon and always have liquids anytime of the day. You recall, my surgeon told me that the day he discharged me. "You better have water with you at all times and be drinking it all day long". WOW! Who would've thought that it would catch up with me. Im not saying that I have started drinking water, its hard for me, Im not a water drinker BUT it needs to be done and I know this. Im trying. I hope Thursday at my other game I dont experience the same situtation again.

My eating? Still eating about a cup of food. Im still vomiting certain foods or when I have overdone it. I was given permission by my dietician to eat a slice of wheat bread. I can also have a cup of coffee with low fat milk and a sugar substitute. I notice that im craving a cup of coffee every morning. I dont know if it's because it satisfies my sweet tooth but I'll take it! The other day here at my work they had a bake sale. I walked up to the table, looked at every single thing they had on that table and very proud to say that I walked away from the table. It may not seem like a big deal but to me it is because I love love pastries! Im loving the Oikos greek yogurt in vanilla. Its so flavorful. Im eating alot of watermelon and other fruits to curve my sweet tooth. Its been pretty stressful with my daughters. All three of them have been trying my patience. To top it off Im a stressful eater and with all the stress they have been giving me, Im proud to say that I have not ate anything to substitute my stress for hunger.

Okay, I guess thats all for right now. C'ya soon.

Just a small note. im sitting here on the couch, on my phone blogging because im bored and cant find the damn laptop! Sucks to have my husband in the same house and day in and day out its the same routine, come home, make dinner and sit on the couch and flip thru channels while he goes to his room and goes to sleep. Yes I understand that working 12 hours he deserves his rest but sometimes I'd like to be talked to you, ask how my day went, some sort of acknowledgement. I guess you cant change whats been so routine for many many years. It also sucks that he sees me everyday and he cant tell me if I look like im losing weight. People tell me that they are starting to see some changes whether it be in my face, waistline, or my shoulders. I see the same girl in the mirror. I tell ya, that mirror is worse than getting on the scale.

Trying to fight a cold and currently have a bad bad sore throat.  ;( So my next appointment to see the dietician, bariatric doctor, and pysch doctor wont be until November 13th. Hopefully by then I will have lost some more weight. Yes, I feel like im obsessed with the weight loss, I want it sooner rather than later or "gradually". OH yea, I also started softball for 10 weeks/every Sunday. My body is rather sore especially my legs and shoulders. When I ran bases, it felt like I had weights on my legs. Definitely need to get in shape for that again. I messed up a play, totally went blank and felt bad in the end. Im not competative just real hard on myself knowing that I could be better than anticipated. Im my own worse critic.

I keep looking at the one-month-picture. Yea I dont see any difference. I see shoulders still broad, hips still a resting area for my arms (I call them my armrests) an still see the double chin. They werent kidding when they said weight loss surgery does a number on your thinking. Mentally Im exhausted at times and Im not gonna lie, I wanna cheat with foods that Im not supposed to have BUT I have managed to fight the urge to binge on something and replaced it with some type of fruit or veggie. Its hard! After eating so many years a certain way and eating everything and anything, to go "clean" is rough! But it needs to be done for the look you want. So, if your contemplating weight loss surgery, be sure your mentally ready for a great amount of changes in your "everyday routine" of consuption of food.

One Month After Surgery

So today is one month after surgery. I had two appointments yesterday with the pysch doctor and the dietician. Was still feeling pretty bummed out about the weight gain. I weighed in yesterday at 199. I expressed to the pysch doctor the anxiety, disgust, and the embarrassement that I was feeling. How can someone who just had weight loss surgery gain weight??? She stated that what I was feeling is all natural, many patient's feel anxiety. Many patients are obssessed with getting on the scale to see if the "number" goes down. I on the other hand am not obssessed with the scale. I only get on the scale when I have my doctor appointments. My enemy is the mirror which I have to see every morning and every night. That mirror shows me my progress without even mentioning a number. Why on earth I decided to get on the scale on Tuesday is beyound me. The visit with the pysch doctor helped alot. And assured me that in three month (November) I'll be less stressed and will be able to chuckle about this month's experience. She's a great doctor.

This is me today, one month after surgery.

Ashley my dietician broke it down for me. We went over my food intake. So what I thought was good eating in reality was bad/hidden calories. My skinny-minney bagels, my granola bars, my egg-white sandwhiches from subway (just to name a few) are all BAD! Why? Breads, carbs, etc. This is why I could've gained the weight. Also, with my intake of vitamins, being constipated or even water gained could've played a factor in the weight gain. I think it was the bagels, granola bars and the sandwiches from subway that made me gain. Ashley stated that I have to stay away from all breads, pastas, sweets, etc. All the bad things that I was so used to eating really has to be rid of in my life. I have to concentrate on veggies (raw or steamed), fruits/nuts (minus cashews and peanuts), protein (chicken, turkey, ham, tuna,) and diary (greek yogurt, cottage cheese, cheese). I have to stay away from red meat as well. I still have to watch the intake of sugar and pay attention on items and the protein availability in their substance.

Tuesday was a horrible day and I'm glad its over. Meeting with the pysch and the dietician gave me peace of mind and all I can do is move on with the knowledge that they shared with me and encouragement that my progress will be noticeable in time, not a month's time, but in months to come. My weight loss is not going to happen in a month let alone over night but it will happen!

Im still walking and also bikeriding. Yes, both get me out of breathe but it needs to be done regardless. Im also joining a fall softball team which starts this Sunday and Im excited about that as well! Well thats it for today. See you soon!

OMG! Not having a great day. I just got on the scale and gained 6 pounds back. Im at 200! I have no idea what is going on. I walk, I bike ride, I watch what I eat, read my labels, barely can keep food down at times and I gain 6 pounds! I have an appointment with the pysch doctor and the dietician. How embarrassing its going to be when they put me back on the scale only to find that I GAINED WEIGHT!

This has got to be one of the worse days of my life, I feel very defeated! I cant even express how I feel. :(