I had my follow-up testing done on Saturday 20th. You will recall that I had a mammogram which showed some abnormalities. These abnormalities were found to be numerous cysts. I suppose that is normal because they were not concerned with it. They however were concerned with a not-so-cystic-looking mass on my left breast. You guessed it, additional tests need to be done. That would take place Monday, July 22nd. You recall that the whole mammogram process was very humiliating for me. Today was no exception to the rule. The same nurses assisted me with my "boob" and then it gets interesting, not only would my "FNA=fine needle aspiration" would take place by a male doctor, two first year residents would be also checking out the "boob". I was crying when the nurse told me that "Dr. Cooper" would be doing the procedure and after I asked if it was a lady, she confirmed to me that Dr. Cooper is a man. Yep, started crying! This 15-minute procedure winded up being 2 1/2 hours. The probing, the touching, the force that one endures these procedures, in one word "frightening". I know have a clear bandage of the sort, bloody, very tender, and just not what I expected in having my very first mammogram. I am bleeding through my bandaid, I am sore and very tender. I don't even think I'm scared of the outcome. I don't have an ill feeling in the pit of my stomach. Don't get me wrong, I am thinking about it but I have always said that my death would come in the form of cancer. I don't know why I feel that, I just always have. I have thought of the "what if" it is cancer and I'm okay with it. I say that right now and I'm assuming that I'll be more passionate about it in thought later if positive. I have thought of the whole mastectomy procedure, chemo/radiation, and anything else that cancer involves. I have also thought about declining treatment. I dunno, just a thought that ran through my head. I guess Friday I will find out my results. God is playing 50/50 with me, a game that I don't know the rules of.
My daughter Veronica had an interview on July 22nd as well. I suppose things went well. She didn't wait around for me after her interview. I went to have my procedure while she went on her interview. Naturally I didn't tell her of the procedure. No one knows. She only knows that I have cysts nothing else. I'm not sure if I mentioned I got a puppy 2 weeks ago. As fast as I got her as fast as I had to let her go. No one in the house wanted to help me out with her while I was at work and it was truly unfair to the puppy if I yelled at her for her wrong doings. Naturally all three of my lovely children had such nice things to say to me. "Your ignorant, your pathetic, your selfish, your this and your that". Never did I ever receive such mental abuse at one time. Needless to say, they are not talking to me now. I winded up giving Charlie to my brother. I whole-heartily believe that he was meant for him. The day I got her and took her to see him, he fell in love with her. He told me a German Shepard would be his next dog if he had the money. In earlier posts, I said God works things a certain way for us and Charlie was meant for my brother. I broke my heart to make the decision and I cried as I walked away but I'm happy to know that he will take care of her and I can see her anytime I want. Today's my husband's birthday and I'm praying that they don't ruin his day only because that means I'll be more stressed.
I spoke to my insurance rep last week, July 25th and they stated that the approval letter was en route to my physician's office. Plastic physician that is. I contacted the office and they stated that they cannot do anything until that letter is received. So yay!!! I'm gonna have my tummy surgery! I'm gearing towards the 3rd week of August. I've even thought of having a mastectomy at that time by the same surgeon (if I need one). Told ya I've been preparing myself for worse news. Force of habit I suppose.
Lastly, I will be interviewing with "UNIVISION" under the medical segment and that will take place on Friday, July 26th. I believe they will show the segment that evening on the 10 o'clock news. I'm nervous but I honestly just feel numb. I have so many emotions going on, one minute I'm crying the next I'm smiling, and the next I'm just blah. It's been very hard to not snap on someone and even harder trying not to put things in my mouth to eat in the form of comfort.
I guess that's all for now. :(
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