As crummy as my day started off yesterday and gradually got better after weighing myself leave it to my husband to put me back in the crummy state of mind I started off with. Why? Only because I was excited to tell him that I lost weight. Did he express happiness, encouragement, anything? NOPE!!!! It sucks to have a partner for 20+ fuckin years and not once can he be the main person in your life be happy for you. Its draining. Little by little not only is the fat going away, but my spirit is just dying. I have a man who is so fuckin machismo, a fuckin man who supports and provides for his family BUT cant manage to make me happy and be supportative. He shot my dream down as a teen when I wanted to be a hairdresser what would or could possibly make him change as an adult man?! I should've went on my merry way and become the slut rather than listen to my mother whom said "you'll never find a good man like him". And yes, Im the stupid ass who stays with him because like him, Im so used to him and make any excuse under the sun for him and his fuckin rotten behavior and attitude.
I hate talking about my kids, I hate talking about my marriage, and I hate talking about anything that pertains to me only because there is NEVER nothing positive. If there is some inkling of positivity, happiness, joy, etc that just gets shot down within a couple of hours! Why would I want to discuss this shit with anyone and bring them down. I dont need sympathy. Its like a black fuckin cloud that follows me everywhere I turn. Pig pen was even happier than I ever will. Why is it that when I try to do for others, try to make them smile, anything, they shit on me? Why is it they say "good things come to those who wait" yet Im still waiting for a brighter fuckin day? Is there a fine print somewhere that states only kind-hearted souls apply to that rule and fuck the rest of the miserable people? My fuckin kids are so self-absorbed, I could be dying of an incurable illness and they'd be the one's to bitch if they had to attend my fuckin wake on their busy schedule. I have a fuckin older daughter that tells me I suck as a mom and I have a shitty way of raising my twins. She tells me I was never there for her but she seems to forget the times I bailed her fuckin ass out of jail, prevented a jaggoff of a boy from beating her down like a dog, carted her ass here and there and attended every fucking sport she was in. BUT I SUCK AS A MOM! I should've had an abortion on all accounts so then GOD could only judge me! Not only does God judge me but now I have my very own judges here on earth. I've a fuckin twin who says she hates the fuckin house and me when things dont go her way because I want whats best for her and another twin who fuckin plucks her eyelashes out when shes stressed. BUT im a fuckin bad mom. Funny how I notice these small things in these ungrateful fuckin kids! I cant wait til they have their fuckin kids cuz at this rate that they are going, thats all they're gonna be good at, fucking and popping out fuckin bastards by every tom,dick,and harry. Then I cant wait till they show me what "a mom really looks like".
Work, I cant even take a fuckin vacation (every fuckin friday til December) because it may "interfere" with my co-workers. GOD FUCKIN FORBID I take a fuckin friday off only because I thought a whole week would inconvienence someone! Then they wonder why I dont go to their staff parties, holiday parties and any other kiss-ss parties they make.
Ugh, I guess that's my thought of the day. Smile and act as if nothing is bothering me. I'm pretty good at it, been doing it all my fuckin life!
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